A "small" list....

You know when you are Taiwanese/been in Taiwan too long when:

you can’t even be bothered to wake up for an earthquake

You can order the entire McDonald’s menu in Chinese.

Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why.

You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.

You turn left from the right lane, no matter how many lanes there are.

20 degrees feels cold.

You stop conjugating verbs.

You speak fluent Chinglish.

You drive on the shoulder to pass traffic.

Firecrackers and garbage trucks don’t wake you up.

You stop and look both ways before driving through a red light.

You don’t stop or look both ways before driving through a red light.

The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.

Foreigners smell funny.

You point out foreigners and stare at them.

You own at least one mosquito tennis raquet.

You know which turn signal should be on when driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

You prefer squatting to sitting (including toilets).

You can haggle with the best of them.

You don’t want to sit near the foreigners on the bus or in the restaurant.

Your English has gone to hell.

Foreign women look big and fat; foreign men look the same, but also hairy.

Wearing shoes in a house makes you really uncomfortable.

You shower in the evening.

You deflect compliments in the presence of foreign friends.

You fight to pay the bill.

You can tell what someone wants from what they don’t say.

Your kids speak better Chinese than you do.

Someone wishes you a Happy Easter and you remember it’s easter…

You no longer sweat.

You know where to buy clothes that fit you.

You’d take boiled peanuts over dry-roasted any day.

You feel embarassed for *other* foreigners.

You casually pick out and discard cockroach parts in your “biandang” (purchased lunchbox).

“Meibanfa” (there is nothing that can be done) or “bukenung” are perfectly acceptable answers to your inquiries at government offices.

You play black jack until 4 a.m. with your in-laws on holidays.

You stop caring about tones in your Mandarin.

You’ve taught another foreigner something in Chinese.

You’ve learned something in Chinese from another foreigner.

When someone back home asks you how things are going in “Thailand,” you are offended but don’t say anything.

You know just enough Chinese to embarrass someone who’s talking about you.

When you’ve been on vacation, you’re happy to return.

You wish desperately you could vote in local elections.

Your kid is half Chinese, I mean, Taiwanese.

Dry weather irritates your skin.

You feel like a kid in a candy store at Costco.

You learn more about the news from what it doesn’t say.

You have a favorite pair of flip-flops.

You think the best gifts are practical.

You think the best gift is money.

You’ve bought the same thing a dozen times … and will buy a new one when this one breaks.

You’re amazed at how low-tech everything is back home.

You bake in a toaster oven.

You can de-bone a piece of chicken in your mouth within seconds.

You can shell shrimp in your mouth within seconds.

You speak English in hotels to get better service.

You cut off gravel trucks and those blue Varica trucks.

You practice s-curves on the freeway at 120.

You cover your mouth when you pick your teeth.

Over half of your software is pirated.

You don’t buy anything unless you can get a discount.

You accept business cards with both hands, and inspect both sides without reading them.

You carry an umbrella with you for much of the year.

You try to tell people back home about Taiwan, and are angry when they look bored.

You smile when you’re embarrassed or angry.